The Doppelgänger: A Psychological Thriller Page 27

  Chapter 28

  Dr. Nathan sat before Darcy, morose. His hair had greyed in the eight years that they hadn’t met. Darcy moved in her chair. She struggled breathe.

  “How long has it been since your last session?” he asked, expressionless.

  “Eight years,” Darcy said in a hollow voice.

  “Is there any reason you decided to come back?”

  Darcy looked away. Her hands kneaded her thighs.

  “I think my schizophrenia relapsed,” her voice was airy. “I’ve been seeing things that don’t exist. I’ve been having delusions often.”

  “How do you know they are delusions?”

  “They don’t match the facts. My memories are lies.” Darcy’s tone became shrill.

  “Why do you say that?”

  “I recently discovered I remember things that never happened. I’ve forgotten things that happened.”

  “You saw me for schizophrenia ten years ago,” he noted. “I remember we spoke about how your mother died.”

  “I was wrong,” Darcy said with downcast eyes. “I was wrong about everything.”

  Dr. Nathan read his notes. “You said Dr. C, that’s what you called him, killed your mother. She was a journalist. She found out that he was conducting illegal trials and wanted to expose him. He imprisoned you in an asylum and shot her. Am I right?” he lifted his head. His eyes shot her a look.

  “That’s not what happened. She died recently,” Darcy said, her nose curling up with disgust. “I didn’t know it was a lie. I discovered recently.”

  “Would you like to tell me about it?”

  “I was hypnotized at sixteen. The sessions lasted for a year.” Darcy said in a groggy voice.

  “Hypnosis? Have we spoken about this?” Dr. Nathan turned the pages of his book.

  “No. I didn’t remember anything when I spoke to you the last time.”

  “What do you remember now?”

  “Dr. C was my psychiatrist. He didn’t kill my mother or imprison me in an asylum.”

  “Hmmmm…” Dr. Nathan said, apathetic.

  “He hypnotized me to make me forget some bad memories.”

  “Bad memories?”

  “When I was fifteen, I killed two men.” Darcy paused. Dr. Nathan quickly changed his shock to mild surprise.

  “That’s…” He was lost for words.

  “They kidnapped me.” Darcy continued.

  “You’ve never spoken about this.” he said with enlarged eyes.

  “He erased the event from my memory,” she said. “Those years were hard for all of us. My parents divorced, I was kicked out of school because I pushed a girl and she ended up in intensive care for six months and I home-schooled until I could go to college. I’m sure there are other things I don’t remember but…I want to.”

  “That’s- whoa…that’s very different from the sessions we had eight years ago. How did you end up at Dr. C’s?”

  “My mother wanted me to forget. She took me to him.”

  “That was a dangerous thing to do,” he said. “I don’t know if I’m convinced about the memory erasing part. Some people think hypnosis can re-program memories but there’s debate on the issue. I for one, don’t believe it can.”

  “I remember things in flashes. My mind combined whatever I knew and that’s how that story came about,” Darcy said. “I forgot the murders, but I remembered him.”

  “That’s the reason you believe he killed your mother?”

  Darcy nodded.

  “How did you find out?”

  “I met my mother recently. She told me.”

  “You saw her?”

  “Yes. She was real.” Darcy emphasized, getting a bit emotional.

  “Is she here today?”

  “No. She died.”

  “When did she die?”

  “It’s been two weeks.”

  “How did she die?”

  Darcy shot him a glance. “She was murdered.”

  Dr. Nathan backed off.

  “My intention is not to bring up your pain but to make sure your memories are more reliable,” he said.

  “I killed two people but I don’t remember anything,” Darcy said. “I want to get my memories back. I want to be fine again. I don’t trust myself anymore. I don’t know what I’ve done. I don’t know what I’ll do if I keep going like this.”

  Darcy broke down into tears. Dr. Nathan steadied himself. He shuffled the papers and turned the heating off. He sat back down and looked at Darcy. He brushed a stray strand of grey hair back. Darcy looked at him with red eyes.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Please don’t tell anybody about this,” she requested. “I don’t know how true these events are.”

  “Everything that goes on in this room is confidential. Only you can access the record.”

  Darcy nodded.

  “Now then, where do you want to start?”

  “I think I’ll start with Dr. Cleo’s death.” Darcy said.

  “What happened that day?” he asked, breathless. His dark eyes were fixed on her. She didn’t make any eye contact. Her gaze was concentrated on the table.

  “I went to his house.” Darcy said, in a low voice.

  “Whose house?”

  “Dr. Cleo.” Dr. Nathan inhaled sharply.

  “Why?” he asked.

  “I-I was paranoid. I kept thinking he was coming to get me. He wanted to drag me back into that asylum,” Darcy said. Her tone turned harsh. “I was sick of running away. I wanted him to die. I wanted my fears to die. I avoided him as much as I could but when he showed up at my house, I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. He found me. I think he saw me at the lecture and found out.”

  “Did he approach you?”

  “He came to me house twice. He left his card with the neighbor.”

  “Do you have the card?”

  Darcy dug into her purse and pulled out Dr. Cleo’s card. She handed it to her therapist. Dr. Nathan examined the card, turning it over.

  “I just wanted to confirm-you said you wanted to know the truth. We’ve got to check everything.”

  “I know.” Darcy said. He returned the card to her.

  “Go on. What happened after he came?” he asked.

  “Once I was there, I went up to his apartment. I signed the register and walked to the elevator.”

  “Which floor did he live on?”

  “He lived in the penthouse.”

  “Was he in that night?”

  “Yes. I followed him home.” Darcy said.

  “What did you do after that?”

  “I rang the bell. He opened the door. I went in. He was surprised to see me. When I saw his face, scenes from the asylum flashed in my mind. I don’t remember clearly what was going on in my mind then. I was wrapped up in the images. I don’t know what happened after that but I pulled a trigger.”

  Dr. Nathan took a deep breath. He ran his hand over his face, wiping his tiredness away. He coughed, in an attempt to dissolve the uneasiness he was feeling.

  “Where did the revolver come from?”

  “I brought it with me. I keep a revolver in my drawer. I’ve had it since I stopped therapy.”

  “You’ve had it since you stopped coming?”

  “Yes. And I also stopped taking medication six years ago.”

  Dr. Nathan inhaled, trying to suppress his frustration.

  “What was going on in your mind during the incident?” Dr Nathan asked.

  “I only knew he was there to get me. He wanted to take me back there. There was no reality, only emotions. I knew I had to kill him or he’d kill me.”

  “What did he say to you?”

&nbs
p; “I don’t remember what he said. I only saw his face and blood,” Darcy said. She cupped her face in her hands. “I ran out of there soon after. Even when I went back home that night, I thought it was all a nightmare. I didn’t realize what happened until the next day when I saw the news. By that time, I’d forgotten everything. It passed like a delusion.”

  “You forgot everything that happened that night?”

  “Yes. I don’t know why. I thought it was all in my mind. My mind went blank after he left my apartment that night.”

  “What about your mother?”

  “I never thought I’d meet my mother again. I’ve always thought she was dead,” Darcy said. “One day, her name slipped from Dan’s mouth. That’s when I began to suspect she was alive. I called up my father, and he told me the truth. My mother left fifteen years ago.”

  “Was that the only reason?”

  “I found out she was bipolar from the hospital records,” Darcy said. “Did you know that?”

  Dr. Nathan nodded. “I knew you had a family history of mental illness. Your father filled out the form for you the last time you were here. But I didn’t know your mother was alive.”

  “I thought she abandoned me. I couldn’t believe that she never tried to contact me after she left. From what I know, she’s spoken to Dan and dad since the divorce but not me.”

  “How did that make you feel?”

  “Crushed. Betrayed. All this time, I only wanted to see my mother. Every dream and nightmare I was filled with images of her. She was alive, but she didn’t contact me. Worse, she left me. She abandoned me.”

  “What about her illness? Do you remember anything about it?”

  “I had this vision awhile ago….” Darcy began. “I remember she tried to strangle me while I was sleeping. I was eight at that time. I knocked a toy over, in an attempt to break free from her. The toy started to sing. My father heard the sound and came into the room.”

  “Did you talk to him about this?”

  “Yes. He said my mother suffered from post-natal depression after she gave birth to Dan. She began showing symptoms of bipolar disorder around that time. She was diagnosed in 1995.”

  “What do you remember of your childhood?”

  “It was a happy one until she…that happened.”

  “All of it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Why do you think she left?”

  “She was afraid of me. She wanted to leave me before…before I did something to her…I believed that.”

  “But?”

  “After what happened at eight, she was afraid I’d develop something similar. When I killed my kidnappers, she knew she had to leave. That was the only way I could get better.”

  “Do you think that was the only reason?”

  “I’ve been thinking about it and…maybe in some sense, she wanted to protect me. I don’t want to admit it because it makes me feel so guilty. I regret what I did. I regret it so much but I can never have her back. I can never have any of them back.” Darcy said. She began to sob bitterly.

  Dr. Nathan breathed, waiting for her to calm down.

  “Why did you tell me this today?” he asked.

  “I want to be fine. I want to live again.”

  “Hmmmm….”

  “I’m afraid of everything. I can’t distinguish between reality and illusions. I don’t trust myself. I don’t know who I am and what I’m doing.”

  “What kind of life do you want to live?”

  “I want to be normal. I want to be happy. I want to remember everything. I want to make happy memories. I’ve wasted all my life living in delusions. I want to get that time back.”

  “What does happiness mean to you?” Dr. Nathan asked, out of the blue. Darcy blinked at him. His expression was serious.

  “I want to hope again. That is what I want now.”

  “I understand. We’ll begin sessions again. I can’t say how long you will need to continue with the sessions at this point,” he said. “I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for you to go back to your apartment. Can somebody stay with you for a while? I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone at this point.”

  “I’ll ask my father.” Darcy said.

  “I am also referring you to a psychiatrist. I suggest you drop by tomorrow and we’ll take it from there.”

  “Thank you.”

  She muttered her goodbyes and left the room. She walked out of the hospital doors. The sun was shining brightly that morning. It cast a glint on the fresh, green grass. It was filled with people. Nurses helped patients in wheelchairs get around. Children played in the park. they smiled and laughed as they tossed the ball. They were all sick but still, they smiled because they had hope.

  She took the tube home. She got off and traced her steps down the road. Her apartment stood before her eyes. No shadows lingered in the darkness. No sounds reverberated in the distance. No strangers watched her. She was alone. All alone.

  Epilogue

  One year later

  Darcy wrapped herself in a woolen scarf and stepped out of her apartment. The edge of her boots met the street. The small Victorian lamp near her apartment door was lit. Darcy walked past the lamp, crossing the apartment building.

  She gazed at the sky. It was dark. October was here. The snowfall hadn’t begun. Maybe there would be no snow this month. Darcy walked past the bend in the road.

  The road was lined with familiar shops and takeaways. The rustic German shops and record stores were beginning to close. This was her world.

  Her phone whistled. Darcy pulled her phone out.

  Jillian

  Where are you?

  Darcy

  On my way.

  The staff of The Science Reporter, Jillian and Darcy were meeting for dinner. A bus passed her by. The light changed. Darcy walked over the pedestrian crossing.

  Mike’s article on doppelgängers had received a great response. After the success of the first article, he had begun a series on Doppelgangers and Parallel Universes. The Science Reporter was celebrating the first anniversary of the series. Mike had invited Darcy and Jillian to join the celebration.

  The train stopped. Darcy got off. She navigated the confusing streets of the Loop, hunting for DMK Burger Bar where Mike had told her to come to. She followed the instructions of her GPS. A brightly colored red sign that said ‘Pret A Manger’ came into view. Next to it was a dull, grey board that read ‘Byron’s Hamburgers.’ She found it.

  The words were written in bold, red letters on the top of the door. Patrons sat on the chairs outside, coloring the night with sounds of mundane chatter. Darcy walked to the door and pushed it open. The smell of food flooded her senses. The zealous heating system blasted a puff of warm air on her face. The interior was beautifully decorated and had a cozy and intimate atmosphere. The lights hung low. The bar was stocked with craft beers and friendly bartenders. The wooden floor gleamed with polish. The latest game lit up the television screen that lined the bar. It was crowded in the evening. Darcy passed through rows of people, talking and eating to reach a long table at one corner of the restaurant. She saw the five of them sitting there.

  They erupted into a loud cheer. The sound of beer glasses clanking together followed. She heard loud cheers. Her eyes fell on Jillian first. Jillian’s emerald eyes met hers. She waved.

  To Jillian’s right sat Nancy, munching on sweet potato fries. The photographer stood next to her clad in a pair of dark green cigarette pants and a leather jacket. The main reporter munched on the lettuce leaf on which the fries were placed. He was wiry and wore a pair of oversized spectacles. His black hair was spiked and added an inch to his height. He sipped some beer before turning.

  “Hey!” Mike walked toward her. She unwrapped the scarf. His tous
led brown hair looked messier. His dark eyes filled with warmth.

  “It’s good to see you.” he said. He wore a checked shirt and a pair of beige trousers.

  He embraced her. “Here’s the star of the show. I would never have written this article without your help.”

  “What about me?” Jillian called out.

  “You too.” he said. Darcy smiled.

  The server appeared with a few more large, cheesy hamburgers and a tub of fries.

  Darcy smiled weakly. “That’s the real star of the show.” she said. Mike smiled. She waved to Nancy who stood at the other end of the camping-style wooden table. She wore a blue cashmere skater dress.

  “Mike, these burgers are not enough to compensate the sleepless nights I put in.” Nancy said, chowing on her burger.

  “Take a day off, then.” he said.

  “You mean it?” her eyes lit up with hope.

  “Nope. We gotta start working on the podcast.”

  “You’re doing a podcast?” Darcy asked, surprised.

  “By popular demand,” the writer emphasized.

  “That’s great.” Jillian said.

  Darcy sat on the long wooden bench. She pulled her coat away. A plethora of fries and burgers filled the dinner table. She grabbed a piece of the cut-up burger and tasted it.

  “This is great.” she said, washing it down with some beer.

  “Larry recommended this place,” Mike said, pointing to the writer. Larry raised his hand and smiled. Darcy noticed his brown stubble which became prominent when he smiled.

  “I’m glad you’re back,” Jillian said. She pressed her hand over Darcy’s arm. “I missed you.”

  “I’m glad to be back,” Darcy said. Her voice was subdued.

  “Take it slow,” Jillian said.

  Darcy’s phone rang. Dan.

  She answered the phone.

  “Hello? sis, you are you?”